Satire
Now there was an old guy who didn’t suffer stupidity easily!
If you are not at least fifty years old, don’t bother to read this as you would, most likely, not understand. Keep doing your jobs and continue to occupy yourselves with the frivolous activities that most of you are so good at, such as making money, playing sports, and reproducing yourselves. Come to think of it, I am setting the bar far too low. Don’t continue to read this if you’re not at least seventy.
Only at seventy, when hormone driven urges have mostly ceased to interfere with your ability to think and time has had a chance to mend the many misconceptions you have grown up with, may you consider yourself mature, grown up. Grown up enough to be tranquil and at peace with your existence and your coming demise. I’m talking about death, an inconceivable and abhorrent concept to our young. However, when your looming oblivion no longer strikes you with fear and trembling, you are truly mature and ready for the next step; enjoyment. This is not about going to heaven or on wasteful cruises, but about having fun, on your own or with your trusted companions. That may include a spouse, or a dog or both. My wife, who only recently attained maturity, and I laugh a lot together. We find plenty of enjoyment, reminiscing about the silly things we did in our youth and also we laugh out loud at the stupid things our friends and acquaintances, mainly the younger ones, keep doing. Nowadays, on the rare occasions I find myself in crowded places and have an opportunity to observe my fellow man, I have at times found myself bursting out in maniacal laughter for no apparent reason other than the comical scenes that surround me..
Growing old should come with the realization that you have had more than your fair share of life. In other words, you have lived long enough and you may as well accept the fact that from now on you are on borrowed time. Once you are resigned to the fact that you are practically done for, you can now relax and start having a good time. The time of your life, so to speak.
One of the things old farts like to do is write, and you also could write silly novels, memoirs or stories, stuff that none, other than your family and friends are likely to ever read. I and a bunch of my acquaintances do just that. It can be a lot of fun, particularly, if you do not delude yourself with frivolous visions of literary fame.
Sorry, I’m digressing. There are so many other things you could spend your time with. Instead of writing books, you could, for instance, read them. Very beneficial, even in old age. Or, what about collecting things such as butterflies, stamps or teddy bears. You could start making stuff. Bird houses, fountains, jewelry or teddy bears. You might even sell some, or you can give them away as birthday or Christmas gifts to unsuspecting friends and family, who will most likely dispose of them in a suitable manner. As long as you are having fun. Gifting unwanted items to people you wish to annoy can be very satisfying, even uplifting. Make sure to ask them what they did with it the next time you see them. I give my books away a lot and then, some time later, I have fun questioning the recipients on the book’s content. Most of the time it is obvious they haven’t read much more than the blurb on the back cover. Then is the time to ask them to produce the book so I can write a personal dedication on the flyleaf.
I can hear you say it; “Good lord, what a nasty old man,” and I have to agree. One of my self-allocated prerogatives of old age. An occasional encounter with death or near-death and plenty of aches and pains give us license to behave anyway we want. I don’t mean to say we can be grossly uncivil and certainly not to each other, but we are no longer obliged to display tolerance for the dizzying stupidity committed by the young. Mind you, the really young, young children, form a definite exception. I have had five-year-olds ask me all sorts of questions to which I did not know the answers, and as I am not very stupid, it must follow that little kids can be very smart. You are entitled to some qualms here, as long as we can agree on the instinctive smartness of the very young. In that respect they have much in common with animals.
My two sons and their dogs in South Africa around the year 1967
We start our lives as little animals and then grow up being told we are not. They teach us we are better. You are made to believe you were created in the lord’s image and never consider the possibility that it may have been the other way around. We start our lives as animals, go through a phase believing we are not and eventually arrive back where we started. If you are over seventy and still believe you are better than the animals you eat, you haven’t grown up yet. This is my opinion and you may take it lightly, as you may take all my opinions.
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10 responses to “For Older Readers Only”
Herman,
I don’t think you can write a bad anything. Not even a bad check.
May your blog bloom and grow like edelweiss.
Just one little thing that has nothing to do with the content of your blog: I don’t want to have my name, address, or website (the latter which I don’t have anyway) in this browser. If you can just send me the bloggings, one at a time, I’ll pick them up from here in the library, where I make all my internet connections.
Love,
Katherine
Herman, I don’t think you can write a bad anything. Not even a bad check. May your blog bloom and grow like edelweiss. Just one little thing that has nothing to do with the content of your blog: I don’t want to have my name, address, or website (the latter which I don’t have anyway) in this browser. If you can just send me the bloggings, one at a time, I’ll pick them up from here in the library, where I make all my internet connections. Love, Katherine
Herman, I don’t think you can write a bad anything. Not even a bad check. Love, Katherine
So brutally honest and poignantly told with a sprinkling of satire makes a fun read, leaving you with a smile on your face and an uplifted heart! A must read for ALL ages!
Fortunately nasty old men can be funny as well,but so far I haven’t read any funny stories written by animals and even though they can be hilarious at times, usually they’re not aware of it.
Karen, how is Mr Vertigo? Speaking of brutal honesty….
Thanks for your lovely comments. Friends like you make it all worth it. You are a good writer and should continue to put your thoughts on paper. Never mind who gets to read them. You need to write for the sanity of yor soul.
The awareness of animals. There has been a lot of research in that area of animal behaviour. You might be interested in the research of Frans de Waal. Dutch animal psychologist and primatologist living in Atlanta. Even dogs have been shown to have a clear sence of fairness and are known to be aware of themselves in relation to there environment.
Not even a bad check? I like that, but watch me. My talents are unfortunately not of a financial nature. Amex charged me a total of 54 dollars for interst and late fee on a one day late payment . I told them I would close my account unless they dropped those charges and they did immediately. Not too shabby after all.
Thanks for your kind comments. really appreciate it.
Herman, I think you are lacking an understsnding of the audience you wish to write for. If you were to have lived let’s say 80 years, and expect only to be writing for those 70 years old and older, you might think about what experiences youve had that others are unlikely to share which may be of great value.
To communicate with your audience in a satirical yet demeaning manner as if they are mostly dumber than you is not simply condescending but ignorant of the value of your audience. Satire is one thing, but it appears you only wish to disguise yourself through it.
And if you think anyone approximating your current age has yet to consider the benefits of keeping their minds busy in the face of a failing body, you might want to reconsider your presumptions about others.
I believe your intention is in the right place, and you have much of value to say but the blatant dismissal of a younger audience, (who believe it or not constitute most people actually still alive, and thus using the internet) an audience who could only hope to live as long as you currently have and so might seek the wisdom and insight of a man as well traveled, culturally experienced, and educated as yourself, is… well it’s stupid.
I believe the paragraph you claimed to be a digression, is not at all, being that what you discussed in you hold to be a valuable utilization of time and mental energy, even though you dismiss it as otherwise.
This blog is perhaps simply an expression of the value you hold in the writing you practice with your friends, combined with a desire or wish to share that value with others. This in and of itself might be worth further exploration by you as you open yourself up to the public for scrutiny and praise.
You go on to state you are inherently entitled to be an ass, simply because you have lived for so long, and claim you should not be accountable for tolerance in the face of dizzying stupidity ascribed to the generations which follow you. Again I wish to note the potential audience you speak to, their value in society, in shaping rhe future, what it is you are choosing to say if there is any value to be had in your words. As a man who watched first hand, nations march on nations, with murderous intent and bloodlust at the behest of their elders, I call upon you to reconsider your stance of tolerance, entitlement, and stupidity of generations. Remember that those who come after have only to reference the world they were given.
I also call you to remember what learning is like, that it entails mistakes, and errors, often unnecessarily perpetuated through the ages as generaties seem to die off, along with their wisdom, and to remind you that no man is too old to make dizzyingly stupid decisions in the face of ignorance.
I genuinely appreciate what you are trying to do by writing for people, but your intentions do not line up well with your words and it does not seem you have learned of your profound capacity to provide deep insights for the future generations as those who have lived about as long as you are likely to have experienced similar things, often coming to similar conclusions.
In summation, you are not writing for the religious zealot, as they are hardly to come across this blog, and you are not writing for the elderly, as they have infinitely varied sources of literature and information to explore via the internet if they so wish. But instead you are writing for yourself, your friends and family, and the future generations about what it is you’ve come to value, what you haven’t quite figured out, and what should never be forgotten.
There is a saying, that if you find yourself to be the smartest one in the room, you are in the wrong room.
I would like to add, that if you remain there, for any length if time, perhaps you are not as smart as you believe yourself to be.
I genuinely appreciate seeing the photo of my father as a child alongside his brother. I hope to share your words with my own grandchildren, and for them to be as valuable then, as they might be in this age. But don’t forget, this is my opinion and you may take it lightly, as you may take all my opinions.
With love and respect,
Your Grandson
Mykola, Thank you for your comments. I will consider your words carefully. I do suggest you make an attempt at not taking my words too seriously. They are primariry meant to entertain. As you noted, my little stories are mainly to be understood as satire. Satire makes fun of stuff most people take by far too serious.