satire

All my family, friends, and acquaintances appear to have only two things in mind; make and save some money to then blow it all on travel. Travel anywhere. I wonder what drives these restless souls. Are they bored with their humdrum existence, or unfulfilled in their relationship with “loved” ones, or just itching to “see”, never mind experience, all those exotic places, so cleverly advertised in the colorful brochures, send to us by travel-cruise agencies, intend on taking our money and fattening us up.

Most of them go on a trip during the summer months, to a destination with “warm” weather to end up spending their time trying to stay cool in sweltering Hotel rooms and on overcrowded beaches poisoned with algae blooms. Others, not restricted by school vacations, travel when the crowds with their many kids are happy to be home again.  I  have friends who travel, more or less at random, during autumn every year. They will take off for Paris, Athens, Istanbul or the Lord knows where, go to all the main places of “interest”, walk endlessly through unfamiliar streets  among people whose language they don’t speak, and often end up socializing with some other lost Americans they happen to meet. On my question what exactly motivates them to such excess, they mumble about experiencing foreign culture and delicious foods. Visits to a couple art museums  and Cathedrals or Mosques are usually on the program, although neither of them have a real interest or understanding of the stuff they end up staring at. As mentioned they submit themselves to this type of trip every year, and invariably return totally exhausted and very happy to be home at last. 

East, West, Home is Best

I admit to not being totally unaffected by the power of travel promotions and have for some time been musing about voyaging around the world on a freighter. The opulent luxury of the cruise ships, with their thousands of passengers, discussing the next meal, holds no appeal, but a spartan cabin on a freighter, steaming from port to port, might do it for me. Not that it will ever happen, as none of them accept passengers of my age. Besides that, I did my fair share of sailing the seven seas.

Oh oh, no more 24 hr buffet! Well, perhaps it’s a good thing as we might lose some weight?

No, no more travel for me. As one of my old neighbors recently proclaimed with typical Georgian reticence, “If I can’t get right here within 20 miles, I don’t need it!” 

I sort of share that sentiment, and although I have recently been known to accompany my wife all the way to the Mall of Georgia (45 miles), that’s where I intend to draw the line. Forget air travel altogether. Overbooked and overpriced transportation for the masses. Crammed into little seats without legroom, elbow-room or room for thought. The last time I made that mistake, I was on my way to visit family in Europe. Once in the plane, after the exhausting check-in and delay process, I ended up next to an overweight young person — of the female gender, I think — with a growth of long black hair on her arms and a pungent aroma. She soon fell asleep on my shoulder and to pass the time, I made little braids on her left arm. I’m not quite that crazy, but I did consider it for while.

All that apart from the fact that air travel will add excessively to your carbon footprint. One round-trip flight from Atlanta to Europe creates a warming effect equivalent to 2 or 3 tons of carbon dioxide per person. The average American generates about 19 tons of carbon dioxide a year. In that regard we do beat the rest of the world handsomely. A convincing argument against air travel as far as I am concerned. To me it speaks as strongly as does the horrific inconvenience and lack of privacy one has to suffer in cabin class. 

A couple of my other neighbors—all older, retired people with an uncontrollable itch to get away—have acquired enormous travel trailers, with which they intend to venture West. Just imagine, something the size of a Greyhound bus and having to drive the damned thing yourself, while burning diesel at the rate of one gallon for every five miles trekked further away from your comfortable home. Not only did they have to shell out some $100,000 plus for that overgrown camper, but now for every 400-mile leg between expensive camping sites, they will spend some $200.- for diesel. At night, after taking several wrong turns and finally finding a spot to park, there is plenty of time to rethink and discuss the many unpleasant experiences of another day gone by. 

 Oh, before I forget, did you ever try to back one of these monsters into a camping site?

I was hoping for something a little bigger!

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